How I Conquered Conflict

On Thursday I attended a training session called "Conquering Coworker Conflict." Although the content seemed to be more directed at strategies for dealing with challenging users, there were some gems that would be helpful in any situation of conflict. In fact, I had an opportunity to test out some of these strategies this weekend, when I had a little argument with my sister (ok, I thought it was little, she was threatening to pack up and leave which indicates that to her, it was rather big):

• Avoid justifying your right to be upset. This makes sense to me because every time you think about your justification, you are talking yourself into continuing to be upset! It was actually by not following this one that I started the argument in the first place. My first instinct was to keep my mouth shut, then some little gremlin in my head screamed, "This isn't FAIR! I have a right to be upset!" That's when the trouble started.
• If things get in a stalemate, call on someone else to try another way of communicating. This could be a colleague or a supervisor. In my case, it was my Mom, who, by talking with my sister, was able to identify exactly what I had said that had touched a nerve, and calm my sister down so she could listen to my apology. In a situation with a library user, referring to a colleague might just give the "refresh" that's needed to solve the problem.
  
• In any situation, you have the power to make things better. You also have the power to make things worse. First I made things worse. Then I made things better.
• Put yourself in the other person's shoes. My sister had been up throughout the night with a sick toddler, then the thing I criticized her about was probably something she was already feeling kind of bad about. Once I realized this it wasn't so hard to create a way we could both save face.
  
• Create an opportunity for the other person to save face. In any kind of conflict, rather than trying to "win" by continually zinging the other person, if you create an "easy out" for the other person, the conflict can be solved. This is how I made things better.

The library is trying to bring this session back so that many more staff can attend. I'll be sure it's scheduled at a time when the majority of Access Services staff can make it.

And, my sister and I have patched things up. We've been through worse blow-ups and we'll get through this, too. It's probably not the last conflict we'll face but at least I feel I have a few new tools to conquer conflict!

Delightful Customer Service

A couple of weeks ago something terrible happened: my cell phone broke, making it useless for anything other than answering it. No outgoing calls (unless I knew the number, but I don't even know my own number), no email and worst of all, no texts. As a working mom, I use my phone for a lot more than uploading pics to Facebook--it's how I catch up on work on the subway and how I keep in touch with my son's babysitter (she's 17, so texting is our primary form of communication).

I thought I'd have to replace my phone, which wasn't something I was up for, and was happy to learn that certain stores will do this type of repair. One store, on 32nd street isn't too far from my dentist, so last week when I was early for an appointment I stopped in. I explained what was wrong and said that the phone was part of a family plan under my husband's name and that I hoped that wouldn't be a problem. The woman assisting me wore a name tag that indicated she was Kiana, the store manager. Kiana asked me if I knew the last four digits of his social (um, I don't even know my own phone number) and I said that I could probably find it out if I called him. I used their courtesy phones to call my husband, but I was pretty sure he wouldn't pick up since he was bringing our son to school.

After 4 tries I explained that he wasn't available. She asked for my phone and about 2 seconds later, it was fixed! She suggested that to avoid future inconvenience my husband could add me as an authorized user to the phone plan. I thanked her and joked that I now had thousands of voice mails and texts to catch up on and she invited me to take a seat in their waiting area if I wanted.

At any point during this process she could have turned me away. She could have even turned me away nicely and been entirely within her rights. Instead, she bent the rules a little bit to help me out. It absolutely made my day!

Empathy

I can't get Justin's comment from the last, last Access Services meeting out of my mind. When we were talking about the Service Excellence experiences, he mentioned the role of empathy in the service interaction. This is what I was writing about as we kicked off Service Excellence, although I didn't put the eloquent label on it that Justin did.

Just what is empathy and how does it relate to positive interactions? We have too many Star Trek: The Next Generation fans in Access Services to leave out an analogy to Deanna Troi, the empathic counselor who can sense people's emotions. Although Commander Troi is "empathic" as opposed to "empathetic" (she can actually feel the emotions of the people around her) she still serves as a relatable example.

Empathy is the ability to understand the world from another person’s viewpoint and the motivation to treat another kindly based on that understanding. Excellent service isn't about bending rules, waiving fines or smiling (although all of these may be the result of empathy). First and foremost it's about putting yourself in the other person's shoes.

When I think about the most positive service interactions I've had over the years (especially the times when I've been able to turn around a negative interaction) it's always been when I've channeled my inner Troi.